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Attachment and Relationships

The Full Story

Attachment directly shapes our relationships, influencing how we bond with partners and manage emotional closeness and conflict. Defined by early experiences with caregivers, our attachment style—be it secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—determines our approach to relationships, affecting everything from trust and communication to how we handle separation and intimacy. Recognizing and understanding our attachment style is crucial for fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships, as it allows us to address underlying issues that may affect our connections with others.

What Attachment Style Do You Have?

For each statement, choose the option that best describes you: Often, Sometimes, Rarely, Never.

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  1. I find it easy to become emotionally close to others.

  2. I worry that my partner doesn't love me or won't want to stay with me.

  3. I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.

  4. I'm comfortable without close emotional relationships.

  5. It is very important for me to feel independent.

  6. I often want to merge completely with my romantic partners.

  7. I find that my partners are reluctant to get as close as I would like.

  8. I tend to keep my partner at arm’s length.

  9. I'm comfortable sharing my private thoughts and feelings with my partner.

  10. I often worry about being abandoned.

  11. I feel uncomfortable when my partner wants to be more intimate than I do.

  12. My desire for closeness sometimes scares people away.

  13. I prioritize my independence over my relationships.

  14. I feel confident that my partner will be there when I need them.

  15. I feel that people are never there for me when I need them.

  16. I worry a lot about my relationships.
     

Reflecting on Emotional Reactions and Behaviors

  1. In a relationship, I often find myself vigilant for signs that my partner may leave me.

  2. I prefer not to show a partner how I feel deep down.

  3. I feel comfortable depending on others.

  4. I don't feel the need for close relationships.

  5. When something is wrong in my relationship, I am more likely to talk about it than to avoid the issue.

  6. I often feel unworthy of love.

  7. I value closeness and intimacy in my relationships very highly.

  8. I try to avoid getting too attached to my partner.
     

Assessing Relationship Impact

  1. My need for independence often hinders deeper connections in my relationships.

  2. My fear of abandonment influences how I act with my partner.

  3. I have a hard time trusting people in my relationships.

  4. I believe that being close to my partner is essential for a happy relationship.

  5. I sometimes feel suffocated in my relationships and need space.

  6. I often need reassurance from my partner that they love me.

     

Scoring Your Responses

  • Secure Attachment: If you often chose responses that reflect comfort with intimacy and independence (e.g., statements 1, 9, 14, 19, 21, 23), you likely lean towards a secure attachment style.

  • Anxious Attachment: If you often chose responses indicating worry about relationships and a desire for closeness (e.g., statements 2, 6, 7, 10, 12, 16, 22, 26, 30), you may have an anxious attachment style.

  • Avoidant Attachment: If you often chose responses that show discomfort with closeness and a preference for independence (e.g., statements 3, 4, 5, 8, 13, 18, 20, 24, 25, 29), you might have an avoidant attachment style.

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